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Making a loaf of banana bread for my wife this morning while she is still asleep. She is being very kind and taking our (actual) dog to get her nails trimmed today. I usually can trim animal nails myself, but our last few rescues have been older dogs that probably weren't introduced to having their paws/nails handled outside of just grooming situations. Before our current dog, our previous rescue was very aggressive about having her nails done and I think I still have a lot of nail anxieties left from her. Thankfully since I volunteer there from time to time, the workers at the animal shelter trim her nails for us, but of course it can be quite noisy there. I love going to help walk dogs, but it is hard for me to be inside the actual shelter. I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon that I am a feeling nervous about already, so my wife will be taking her. My mom is taking us and my father out for a father's day dinner tonight and I am just feel like I am trying so hard to manage my limited spoons and not blow them in one day. And just kinda feeling like this:
Besides just not liking the doctor in general (what chronically ill person does?), I have to do the dreaded task of asking for my medical accommodations to be renewed. My gastritis is not some short lived illness that would just go away in a few months like she thought. It is likely to be a lifelong illness for me that will flare from time to time. I am not interested in going through anymore scopes or scans, expensive procedures that just leave me broke, stressed, and embarrassed when I get told nothing significant showed up and nobody understands why I am "this sick". :/ Plus my POTS is acting up, which it isn't even acting up that bad, but my POTS is generally well managed with a daily beta blocker and extra sodium. So, anytime I do start having more symptoms than usual it does feel shocking. I had two days last week where being upright felt nearly impossible.
All I want is to be able to call in more than once a month without fear of losing my job. Genuinely having 2 days a month I can call in without consequences would fix me. Okay maybe it wouldn't fix me, but it would make my life a hell of a lot less stressful. Not having to feel like I need to ration my call ins would be nice. My flares can be sudden, but they only last a day or two if I can actual just let my body rest. And I feel like I have to jump through hoops and a jig even to just get that approved (MetLife is very nice on the phone but the process is still tedious and annoying)
I guess I am mostly nervous that I will need to confirm that yes, gastritis is likely a stress illness for me. I began working with a therapist who has kindly informed me they aren't surprised I am this sick and what I have is common with what mental struggles I am dealing with. But it seems like medicine doctors and therapy aren't always on the same page. There is also a personal shame that goes along with it. Like "oh yeah I was really sick last year and I still can't manage my mental illnesses right so I am still very sick". I worry about being dismissed as it is "just anxiety" like I have been before. I know if I am dismissed it means it is probably time to look for a new doctor, but that is a whole different kind of stress that I don't even want to think about yet either.
Besides just not liking the doctor in general (what chronically ill person does?), I have to do the dreaded task of asking for my medical accommodations to be renewed. My gastritis is not some short lived illness that would just go away in a few months like she thought. It is likely to be a lifelong illness for me that will flare from time to time. I am not interested in going through anymore scopes or scans, expensive procedures that just leave me broke, stressed, and embarrassed when I get told nothing significant showed up and nobody understands why I am "this sick". :/ Plus my POTS is acting up, which it isn't even acting up that bad, but my POTS is generally well managed with a daily beta blocker and extra sodium. So, anytime I do start having more symptoms than usual it does feel shocking. I had two days last week where being upright felt nearly impossible.
All I want is to be able to call in more than once a month without fear of losing my job. Genuinely having 2 days a month I can call in without consequences would fix me. Okay maybe it wouldn't fix me, but it would make my life a hell of a lot less stressful. Not having to feel like I need to ration my call ins would be nice. My flares can be sudden, but they only last a day or two if I can actual just let my body rest. And I feel like I have to jump through hoops and a jig even to just get that approved (MetLife is very nice on the phone but the process is still tedious and annoying)
I guess I am mostly nervous that I will need to confirm that yes, gastritis is likely a stress illness for me. I began working with a therapist who has kindly informed me they aren't surprised I am this sick and what I have is common with what mental struggles I am dealing with. But it seems like medicine doctors and therapy aren't always on the same page. There is also a personal shame that goes along with it. Like "oh yeah I was really sick last year and I still can't manage my mental illnesses right so I am still very sick". I worry about being dismissed as it is "just anxiety" like I have been before. I know if I am dismissed it means it is probably time to look for a new doctor, but that is a whole different kind of stress that I don't even want to think about yet either.
